Today I wrote an entertainment story about an islander who has written a song and released it. When proof reading it with my collegues; Olivia and Frankie, they noticed several aspects of the article that could be imporved. Instead of listing the changes, I've got the first draft of the article and the finalised improved article so you, readers can see the improvements yourselves! It's essentially a game of spot the difference!
Max.
First draft:
Islander writes a song story
Island artist Lauran Hibberd released her debut single, The House I Built When I Was Small, on sunday the 3rd of January. Lauran studied music at Platform One, and she is managed by Island-based artist management company, Live Island.After releasing the song, Lauran said: “I am so proud of the single, and I’m so excited to be able to share it with people. The single is available from iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, Spotify, Apple Music and Deezer.
Final draft:
Islander writes a song story
Island singer songwriter Lauran Hibberd has released her debut single, The House I Built When I Was Small. Lauran studied music at Platform One, and she’s managed by artist management company, Live Island. Lauran says she’s so excited about the release of her single: “I am so proud of the single, and I’m so excited to be able to share it with people.The single’s available from iTunes, Spotify, and Apple Music.
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